NUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWO
The age-old battle of scribes has finally come to a somewhat sad end.
The No. 1 lead
pencil has succumbed to its softer, and more popular rival, No. 2. No.
1 will be phased
out over a period of 18 months with most employees taking an early retirement
consisting of one lump payment plus a dozen or so of the cherry-flavored
erasers that once
adorned a failed promotion of the old No. 1 utensil.
While the fight for dominance was a bitter one, it seems that the two
will meet again . . .
only this time in the courtroom. Attorneys for each company have filed
countersuits. It seems that once the decision was made for No. 1 to call
it quits, No. 2
printed signs and placed ads in local papers stating, Were number
one!! Were number
one!! No. 1 attorneys are claiming that No. 2 is illegally using
the tradename of No. 1.
No. 2 counters with, We cant say were number two, because
that would be misleading
To further complicate things, the ACR (Association for Clean Restrooms)
has entered the
legal fray contending that No. 1 and No. 2 both existed eons before the
thought of a lead
pencil ever came into being. The ACR has decided to sue both companies
on the terminologies. Just because No. 1 is liquidating doesnt
mean they dont have
cash . . . and No. 2 has always been a pain in the rear. Were going
after both of them
with a vengeance, stated legal counsel for ACR. Anyway, we
need the money to buy
some more of those little white smelly tablet thingies for the urinals.
The court date has
been set for May 1998. Legal analysts are divided on the projected winners
of these cases.
While No. 2 has the capital to outlast its rivals in what is expected
to be a lengthy
litigation, I just cant imagine No. 2 coming out smelling like a rose,
said an unidentified